Why I cannot have sex with my partner? Am I abnormal?

Fear of sex is a condition that can cause intense fear or panic when sexual intimacy is attempted. For some people, even thinking about it can cause these feelings. Some women may surprisingly have satisfying intimate relationships, and may report normative attraction to their partners, but unable to enjoy sex.

One of the sexual pain disorders is known as vaginismus.

Vaginismus is when the muscles of the vagina clench up involuntarily when vaginal penetration is attempted. This can make it painful, difficult, or impossible to have sexual intercourse, to undergo a gynecological exam, and to insert a tampon. Pain can range from mild to severe, and it can cause different sensations. Severe and consistent pain can lead to a fear of sexual intimacy. Women have described the pain as a tearing sensation or a feeling like the man is “hitting a wall”.

Vaginismus can result from emotional factors, medical factors, or both. It is classified into two types:

  1. Primary vaginismus: When vaginal penetration has never been achieved

It is often experienced by women during their first attempt at intercourse. The male partner is unable to insert his penis into the vagina.

  1. Secondary vaginismus: When vaginal penetration was once achieved, but is no longer possible.

It can occur at any stage of life, and it may not have happened before. Usually stems from a specific event, such as an infection, menopause, a traumatic event, development of a medical condition, relationship issues, surgery, or childbirth.

The condition has been linked to past sexual abuse or trauma, past painful intercourse, and emotional factors.

Child abuse or sexual abuse can cause post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and affect the way you view intimacy or sex. It can also affect sexual functioning.

Rape or sexual assault can cause PTSD and various kinds of sexual dysfunction, including negative associations with sex. This might cause someone to develop a fear of sexual intimacy.

Some people are nervous about whether they’re “good” in bed. Shame of one’s body, as well as being overly self-conscious about the body, can negatively impact sexual satisfaction and cause anxiety, create intense psychological discomfort, leading them to avoid sexual intimacy altogether for fear of ridicule or poor performance.

Don’t let vaginismus ruin your sex life. Please consult a gynecologist if you face the problem above. Doctor will ask you about your symptoms and may ask to examine your vagina. Don’t panic if you are diagnosed with Vaginismus. It is solvable. We have a team of therapists to work with you at achieving a successful painless intercourse. PM us if you need more information. We care for your heart, mind and body. <3